Writing Pratice

On Easter day, Brittany and I decided to enjoy the hour before dinner taking a walk around our neighborhood.  We had just celebrated the Resurrection as a family, the weather was perfect, and the neighborhood was bustling with spring.  I love that time of day when the setting sun turns everything golden!  And, it was so fun to introduce Brittany to my favorite little park...

All the flowers were in bloom and the leaves are fully out on the trees and bushes.  A dad was playing soccer with his son and his classmates.  A Grandma was pushing her little grandson on a tricycle with a long handle in the back made just for the purpose.  A three-year-old was riding her bike with training wheels all by herself and looking very proud.  A Grandad was pointing out the beautiful flowers to his granddaughter. An older man was practicing calligraphy, dipping his over-sized brush in the fountain when it got dry.  He had such a way with that brush and beautiful characters emerged from its tip!  It was amazing to watch!

 

Bulldozers

This morning, my quiet thoughts were interrupted by car horns blaring from the road outside my apartment complex, indicative of a traffic jam.  It’s a small road and usually only full of cars on rainy days when everyone decides to drive or take a taxi instead of riding their bike.  It’s cloudy today, but definitely not raining.  I went to look out my balcony window to see what the all the fuss was.  It was quite a fuss!  There were at least ten uniformed policemen standing at attention around a small, family-owned dumpling shop, watching them vacate.  I noticed last week that most of the shops across the street from my building were closed—my favorite convenience store, the photo-developing shop run by a sweet believing couple, the hardware store and the pharmacy, the China Mobile place where I pay my cell phone bill, the recently-renovated Halal noodle shop.  There were a few hand-written signs that seemed to indicate this was a permanent closing as “the powers that be” issued them torn down.  This little dumpling shop, the one encircled by policemen, apparently defied the order to close, squeezing out every last hour of business and making every last yuan they could. 

Ah, an opportunity to use my binoculars!  Just so you know, it is completely culturally appropriate to gawk here and the crowd gathering on the sidewalk and overflowing into the street (with the occasional car stopped in the middle of the road to watch) were what was causing the traffic jam and all of the horn-honking. 

After watching the family move all of their belonging out of their shop and snapping a few shots with my long lens, I returned to my antique chair and my quiet thoughts. 

I was reading the Word and praying about the bad news I received yesterday evening.  My dream job, consulting for my friends’ company, was not going to happen.  The “powers that be” refused to grant me the document needed to get a work visa.  With only ten days left on my current visa, this news left me reeling and confused.  I had really thought this was the Plan.  It seemed so right, so suited to me.  I was reading the Psalms, calling to mind the Goodness and Faithfulness of God, His unchanging character, His perfect Plan and His intimate Care for me.  I wasn’t feeling any of that since hearing the news last night, but reading and remembering caused the Truths to sink deep. 

Meanwhile, across the street, the policemen had left and were replaced by several demolition-ready workers and a bulldozer.  The crowd of on-lookers remained.  The dumpling shop and its inviting red sign were the first to go.  Glass broke.  The sign crumpled.  The door jamb and front stoop were turned to a pile of rubble.  The convenience store was next, then the pharmacy and the photo shop.  Last week’s notice made reality this week.

I feel a little bit like those shops.  I can empathize with the owners.  Eviction notice issued.  Last weeks’ business-as-usual stopped and torn down with very little notice.  The final word from the “powers that be” bring a bulldozer and cause abrupt change and an unknown future. 

I am not a fan of the unknown.  I don’t like transition.  I find “the process” incredibly frustrating.  But, that is where I have been camped out in life over the past year and a half.  Difficult job.  Decided to quit.  Temporary job 1.  Temporary job 2.  Prospective job.  Door closed. 

“I the LORD do not change;  therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed” (Malachi 3.6).

I have told several friends, “I am too old for this!”  I am ready to settle down, ready to put roots down somewhere, ready to not have major life changes every two years.  But, this is the path I have been asked to walk.

“All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies” (Psalm 25.10).

I have a Rock on which to set my feet.  I have Abba who loves me with a “Never-Stopping, Never-Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love” (Sally Lloyd Jones from The Jesus Storybook Bible--one of my new favorite books!).  I have One who planned the path before me, has already walked in it, and will surely guide me forward.

I was encouraged by a blog I read this morning (http://www.aholyexperience.com/, 25 Apr 2011).  Ann Voskamp reminded me that “all new life comes out of the dark places” and that there is no other way.  “Easter Monday faith” believes that everything is different now, after Jesus’ Resurrection.  Despair is no longer our portion, Light will shine in dark places and stones will roll.   

‘Do not abandon yourselves to despair –  We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song!’   ~ John Paul II

This closed door is not the end of the story.  The “final word” of the “powers that be” is not final in this case. 

I am choosing to trust today, to worship.  Today, I will not abandon myself to despair.  I choose to remember who my God says He is.  I choose to walk forward.

“To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.  O my God, in You I trust” (Psalm 25.1).

Early Morning

I have enjoyed sitting in my kitchen-balcony in the early mornings recently, sipping black coffee, spending time with God.

My window faces east but, before 7:30am, the sun isn’t quite high enough to shine around the building.  It’s golden and quiet at this hour with only the sound of swallows chirping and flitting about.  I love soaking in these bits of God’s creation!

This morning, there are a group of birds—about 20—gliding and swooping in circles around the building next to me.  They look like they are having a glorious time, enjoying the coolness of this time of day, the golden sun, the wind currents gently carrying them along.  They live, apparently, in the little shack on the roof of building #4—pigeon pets—let out to fly free for their morning exercise.  The red, starred Chinese flag atop the building is their marker and now, being waved by their owner, is signaling them back home for breakfast.

pet pigeons circling a church downtown

It is a common hobby among older men in the city to keep birds.  Some keep groups of pigeons like the man in building #4.  Others keep one or two smaller birds in domed bamboo cages that they take to the park every day.  The park’s trees are mottled with birdcages hanging in the branches while the men play animated games of cards or chess with their comrades.  It seems these caged birds enjoy a morning out of the house, too!

Signs of Spring

 Some photos I took on a beautiful afternoon in a park near my house.

Why "Truth Meets Pearl"?

Allyson (my birth name) is an Old English name meaning “truth”

甄珠 Zhen Zhu (my Chinese name, pronounced jen-joo) sounds like the word for “pearl”   

I have made the interesting discovery that when I speak Chinese my personality changes.  I become more extroverted and bold.  I enjoy talking with strangers.  I make jokes.  I get angry and yell.  It’s noticeably different.  My friends have pointed it out.  I can feel it.  My best explanation of this phenomenon is that my Chinese self is Allyson-unfiltered.  It is the real me without the masks I learned to wear because of fear or anticipation of the expectations of others. 

There is also a deep place in my heart that is touched only in Mandarin.  Certain song lyrics, Scripture passages, and Truths resonate in me and make a portion of me come alive in a way that the same ideas in English never did.  It’s like part of me remained dormant until I moved to China and learned Mandarin.  Sometimes it feels like coming home.

I am discovering, through who I am when I speak and hear Mandarin, who I was truly created to be.  Allyson meets 甄珠Zhen Zhu, Truth meets Pearl.  This blog documents snapshots of that journey.

Rest, Mending, Sharing

God made us from dust.  We’re never too far from our origins.  The apostle Paul says we’re only clay pots—dust mixed with water, passed through fire.  Hard, yes, but brittle too.  Knowing this, God gave us the gift of Sabbath—not just as a day, but as an orientation, a way of seeing and knowing.  Sabbath-keeping is a form of mending.         It’s mortar in the joints.  Keep Sabbath or else break too easily and oversoon.  Keep it, otherwise our dustiness consumes us, becomes us, and we end up able to hold exactly nothing (Buchanan, Mark.  The Rest of God. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2006.).

So what mends me?  What is refreshing to my soul?  What is it that helps me see better and know more deeply?  What keeps the “dustiness” from consuming me?  What is rest for me? 

These are questions I have been asking for many months now, always finding the answer a bit evasive.  But, two weeks ago, I came up with a list at the challenge of a friend: a chunk of time with coffee and a book or journal, taking photographs and sharing them, processing my thoughts and lessons through writing, exploring the city, taking walks, getting away once in a while (preferably somewhere beautiful), playing with kids.  These are things that help me see sacredness in everyday life.  They help me slow down and pay attention.  They open my eyes to Beauty, the bigger Purpose, God’s hand. These are the things that give room in my heart to God and breathe life into my soul.  

So, as I use this forum to process life lessons, share photos, write about daily life and the people I meet, perhaps it will be a form of mending for me.  Maybe I will see more clearly, understand more deeply.  Maybe I will find Rest.