Bulldozers

This morning, my quiet thoughts were interrupted by car horns blaring from the road outside my apartment complex, indicative of a traffic jam.  It’s a small road and usually only full of cars on rainy days when everyone decides to drive or take a taxi instead of riding their bike.  It’s cloudy today, but definitely not raining.  I went to look out my balcony window to see what the all the fuss was.  It was quite a fuss!  There were at least ten uniformed policemen standing at attention around a small, family-owned dumpling shop, watching them vacate.  I noticed last week that most of the shops across the street from my building were closed—my favorite convenience store, the photo-developing shop run by a sweet believing couple, the hardware store and the pharmacy, the China Mobile place where I pay my cell phone bill, the recently-renovated Halal noodle shop.  There were a few hand-written signs that seemed to indicate this was a permanent closing as “the powers that be” issued them torn down.  This little dumpling shop, the one encircled by policemen, apparently defied the order to close, squeezing out every last hour of business and making every last yuan they could. 

Ah, an opportunity to use my binoculars!  Just so you know, it is completely culturally appropriate to gawk here and the crowd gathering on the sidewalk and overflowing into the street (with the occasional car stopped in the middle of the road to watch) were what was causing the traffic jam and all of the horn-honking. 

After watching the family move all of their belonging out of their shop and snapping a few shots with my long lens, I returned to my antique chair and my quiet thoughts. 

I was reading the Word and praying about the bad news I received yesterday evening.  My dream job, consulting for my friends’ company, was not going to happen.  The “powers that be” refused to grant me the document needed to get a work visa.  With only ten days left on my current visa, this news left me reeling and confused.  I had really thought this was the Plan.  It seemed so right, so suited to me.  I was reading the Psalms, calling to mind the Goodness and Faithfulness of God, His unchanging character, His perfect Plan and His intimate Care for me.  I wasn’t feeling any of that since hearing the news last night, but reading and remembering caused the Truths to sink deep. 

Meanwhile, across the street, the policemen had left and were replaced by several demolition-ready workers and a bulldozer.  The crowd of on-lookers remained.  The dumpling shop and its inviting red sign were the first to go.  Glass broke.  The sign crumpled.  The door jamb and front stoop were turned to a pile of rubble.  The convenience store was next, then the pharmacy and the photo shop.  Last week’s notice made reality this week.

I feel a little bit like those shops.  I can empathize with the owners.  Eviction notice issued.  Last weeks’ business-as-usual stopped and torn down with very little notice.  The final word from the “powers that be” bring a bulldozer and cause abrupt change and an unknown future. 

I am not a fan of the unknown.  I don’t like transition.  I find “the process” incredibly frustrating.  But, that is where I have been camped out in life over the past year and a half.  Difficult job.  Decided to quit.  Temporary job 1.  Temporary job 2.  Prospective job.  Door closed. 

“I the LORD do not change;  therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed” (Malachi 3.6).

I have told several friends, “I am too old for this!”  I am ready to settle down, ready to put roots down somewhere, ready to not have major life changes every two years.  But, this is the path I have been asked to walk.

“All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies” (Psalm 25.10).

I have a Rock on which to set my feet.  I have Abba who loves me with a “Never-Stopping, Never-Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love” (Sally Lloyd Jones from The Jesus Storybook Bible--one of my new favorite books!).  I have One who planned the path before me, has already walked in it, and will surely guide me forward.

I was encouraged by a blog I read this morning (http://www.aholyexperience.com/, 25 Apr 2011).  Ann Voskamp reminded me that “all new life comes out of the dark places” and that there is no other way.  “Easter Monday faith” believes that everything is different now, after Jesus’ Resurrection.  Despair is no longer our portion, Light will shine in dark places and stones will roll.   

‘Do not abandon yourselves to despair –  We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song!’   ~ John Paul II

This closed door is not the end of the story.  The “final word” of the “powers that be” is not final in this case. 

I am choosing to trust today, to worship.  Today, I will not abandon myself to despair.  I choose to remember who my God says He is.  I choose to walk forward.

“To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.  O my God, in You I trust” (Psalm 25.1).