Waiting in line….for the bus….
Waiting for a reply to a significant e-mail….
Waiting for friends to return from the US….
Being single and longing for the gifts of a husband and
children….waiting….
Waiting for precious friends to come to know the Savior….
Waiting for the vision God has called me to bear fruit….
Waiting….. I am not a big fan!
This whole concept of linear time that we live with here on
earth is so difficult to navigate through sometimes. I often wish that a day
would stretch on and never end and, at the same time, long for it to be six
months into the future. I count down the days to a special trip while savoring
the joy of an amazing moment. A day can go by so slowly and a week so quickly.
Ten minutes can feel like forever while hours can fly by depending on the
circumstances. Years seem to be getting shorter and shorter.
Waiting. It fosters anticipation and grows excitement. It
offers the opportunity to hope and dream and increase faith. But, it also holds
pain and longing and confusion. Proverbs 13.12 states, Hope deferred makes the heart sick. I feel that sickness so
poignantly sometimes.
There is also, in the waiting, the tendency to fill it up
with something or to fall into a holding pattern. I often spend the few minutes
in the line at the grocery store or bank reading a book on my iPod. If it’s
something bigger that I’m waiting for, I will usually find a way to distract
myself from the difficulty of the waiting, focusing hard on something else so I
don’t sense the acute slowness of time. I avoid the stillness and process of
waiting, preferring to make the time “productive” by getting something done in
the tangible realm. Though filling time is not wrong, I don’t want it to get in
the way of what God may want to teach me in the in-between parts of the
journey. After all, those in-between, waiting times is the point, not merely
means to an end.
I read a book a while back, Carried Home Safely, and
it came to mind as I was writing this. The author, Kristin Wong, shares her
journey of international adoption. She spends an entire chapter writing vividly
of the pain and faith in the process of waiting.
“I feel like a river, actually more like a small stream,
still narrow and shallow. The wait for Benjamin digs my bed deeper and wider.
It is painful and exhausting, this fight against anxiety and setbacks, this
continual need to ask the Lord to give me faith. But, in the end, I will hold
more water. This trial digs down into my heart and routs out whatever keeps Christ
from flowing freely.” (p. 45, Wong).
Waiting does not
diminish us any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged
in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But, the longer
we wait, the larger we become and the more joyful our expectancy. (Romans
8.24-25, The Message).
“Romans 15.13…Psalm 27…John 6.66-69…Mark 9.21-24…Habakkuk
3.17-18…I have enough for now, with the testimonies of those who have waited
for God through bewildering and painful trials. I am encouraged and challenged
to love and trust Jesus no matter the outcome, to run to Him even when it feels
like I cannot believe. I am glad to follow these men and echo their words. The
Lord digs my riverbed deeper. I am enlarged in the waiting.” (p. 49, Wong)
Waiting. Through it, I can shrink and shrivel or I can be
enlarged. The enlarging comes in facing and embracing the pain and longing, in running
to Jesus. It comes when I choose, instead of avoiding the process, to submit to
it and let it change me.
My friend, Lara, shared with me this song. How it resonates
deep inside of me!
“While I’m Waiting” by John Waller
I am waiting
I am waiting on You,
Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You,
Lord
Though it’s painful
But patiently I will
wait
I will move ahead,
bold and confident
Taking every step in
obedience
Chorus:
While I’m waiting, I
will serve You
While I’m waiting, I
will worship
While I’m waiting, I
will not faint
I’ll be running the
race, even while I wait
I am waiting
I am waiting on You,
Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You,
Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully I will
wait
I will move ahead,
bold and confidence
Taking every step in
obedience
No avoiding. No holding patterns. No neutral gear. No
coasting along. This waiting is part of my journey, too, not just what’s on the
other side of it. Help me to embrace it fully, Lord.
It’s hard, but this is the choice I am making today—to pray
boldly, but not be slowed by the “not yet,” to walk ahead into what God has
called me to do, unhindered by “maybes” and “what-ifs.” But, Lord, I am
completely dependent on You for the strength, courage, endurance, and even the will
to do this. Walk beside me—no, carry me in this that my steps would be as
Yours, that I wouldn’t sway or run off course. Only you. Carry me that I may,
often and long, look into Your face and know You—know Your rest, Your love,
Your peace, Your comfort, Your joy, Your care, Your heart.
I plan on looking You
full in the face. When I get up, I’ll see Your full stature and live heaven on
earth. (Psalm 17.15, The Message)
That is exactly what I need—to look at God full in the face.
Trust Him. Know Him. Let Him fill and satisfy. Let Him have His way with my
heart.
Romans 15.13: May the
God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power
of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
NOT “may hope fill you” BUT “may the GOD of hope fill
you”!!! It is about HIM and about my relationship with Him, about knowing Him
ever more deeply, about letting Him fill me with Himself.
That is the answer to all the questions, confusion, pain, and
longing that arise in the waiting. To look on God and trust Him fully. Know, depend
on, live in His goodness. Let Him fill me with Himself and, in so doing, fill
me with hope. Carry me, Abba.
