Waiting…

Waiting in line….for the bus….

Waiting for a reply to a significant e-mail….

Waiting for friends to return from the US….

Being single and longing for the gifts of a husband and children….waiting….

Waiting for precious friends to come to know the Savior….

Waiting for the vision God has called me to bear fruit….

Waiting….. I am not a big fan!

This whole concept of linear time that we live with here on earth is so difficult to navigate through sometimes. I often wish that a day would stretch on and never end and, at the same time, long for it to be six months into the future. I count down the days to a special trip while savoring the joy of an amazing moment. A day can go by so slowly and a week so quickly. Ten minutes can feel like forever while hours can fly by depending on the circumstances. Years seem to be getting shorter and shorter.

Waiting. It fosters anticipation and grows excitement. It offers the opportunity to hope and dream and increase faith. But, it also holds pain and longing and confusion. Proverbs 13.12 states, Hope deferred makes the heart sick. I feel that sickness so poignantly sometimes.

There is also, in the waiting, the tendency to fill it up with something or to fall into a holding pattern. I often spend the few minutes in the line at the grocery store or bank reading a book on my iPod. If it’s something bigger that I’m waiting for, I will usually find a way to distract myself from the difficulty of the waiting, focusing hard on something else so I don’t sense the acute slowness of time. I avoid the stillness and process of waiting, preferring to make the time “productive” by getting something done in the tangible realm. Though filling time is not wrong, I don’t want it to get in the way of what God may want to teach me in the in-between parts of the journey. After all, those in-between, waiting times is the point, not merely means to an end.

I read a book a while back, Carried Home Safely, and it came to mind as I was writing this. The author, Kristin Wong, shares her journey of international adoption. She spends an entire chapter writing vividly of the pain and faith in the process of waiting.

“I feel like a river, actually more like a small stream, still narrow and shallow. The wait for Benjamin digs my bed deeper and wider. It is painful and exhausting, this fight against anxiety and setbacks, this continual need to ask the Lord to give me faith. But, in the end, I will hold more water. This trial digs down into my heart and routs out whatever keeps Christ from flowing freely.” (p. 45, Wong).

Waiting does not diminish us any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But, the longer we wait, the larger we become and the more joyful our expectancy. (Romans 8.24-25, The Message).

“Romans 15.13…Psalm 27…John 6.66-69…Mark 9.21-24…Habakkuk 3.17-18…I have enough for now, with the testimonies of those who have waited for God through bewildering and painful trials. I am encouraged and challenged to love and trust Jesus no matter the outcome, to run to Him even when it feels like I cannot believe. I am glad to follow these men and echo their words. The Lord digs my riverbed deeper. I am enlarged in the waiting.” (p. 49, Wong)

Waiting. Through it, I can shrink and shrivel or I can be enlarged. The enlarging comes in facing and embracing the pain and longing, in running to Jesus. It comes when I choose, instead of avoiding the process, to submit to it and let it change me.

My friend, Lara, shared with me this song. How it resonates deep inside of me!

                                                                             “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller

  

                                                                                       I am waiting

                                                                                     I am waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it’s painful

But patiently I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

Chorus:

While I’m waiting, I will serve You

While I’m waiting, I will worship

While I’m waiting, I will not faint

I’ll be running the race, even while I wait

I am waiting

I am waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it’s not easy

But faithfully I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confidence

Taking every step in obedience

No avoiding. No holding patterns. No neutral gear. No coasting along. This waiting is part of my journey, too, not just what’s on the other side of it. Help me to embrace it fully, Lord.

It’s hard, but this is the choice I am making today—to pray boldly, but not be slowed by the “not yet,” to walk ahead into what God has called me to do, unhindered by “maybes” and “what-ifs.” But, Lord, I am completely dependent on You for the strength, courage, endurance, and even the will to do this. Walk beside me—no, carry me in this that my steps would be as Yours, that I wouldn’t sway or run off course. Only you. Carry me that I may, often and long, look into Your face and know You—know Your rest, Your love, Your peace, Your comfort, Your joy, Your care, Your heart.

I plan on looking You full in the face. When I get up, I’ll see Your full stature and live heaven on earth. (Psalm 17.15, The Message)

That is exactly what I need—to look at God full in the face. Trust Him. Know Him. Let Him fill and satisfy. Let Him have His way with my heart.

Romans 15.13: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

NOT “may hope fill you” BUT “may the GOD of hope fill you”!!! It is about HIM and about my relationship with Him, about knowing Him ever more deeply, about letting Him fill me with Himself.

That is the answer to all the questions, confusion, pain, and longing that arise in the waiting. To look on God and trust Him fully. Know, depend on, live in His goodness. Let Him fill me with Himself and, in so doing, fill me with hope. Carry me, Abba.