I set aside this afternoon, this Sabbath afternoon, to spend
extended time with God. I sat in my antique chair, feet up, journal on my lap,
sipping my hot latte, ready. I smiled in anticipation….
God has spoken so intimately to me in this place, through
His Word, directly to my heart over the last couple of days. After several
mornings of deep, resounding Truths transforming my thinking in a moment,
digging out unbelief and planting trust and Peace, I wondered if He could speak
anything so amazing again. Why do I have thoughts like this?!?! Our God is an
ocean, far broader, deeper, more vast than I could possibly imagine. Did I
think I had already plunged the depths? Was a really doubting that God could
meet me where I was at and move mountains in my heart for the fifth day in a
row?? Not really. But, this level of transforming intimacy has not often been
my daily experience. He did speak that sixth day in a row…deeply….faithfully….
I am learning to trust Him to blow me away with Truths on a
more regular basis. So, I waited with a smile on my face. I had some questions
about what lies ahead, certain decisions I thought it necessary to make, but I
wanted to go before Him without an agenda. I waited, listening to the sounds of
rain outside, warm mug in hand and pen and open journal ready.
But, instead of the familiar voice I expected, the muted
rain-light through my bedroom window and the lingering taste of latte on my
tongue mingled with thoughts of God’s gentle persistence, writing and taking
pictures.
I
love how God has been so gentle with my heart as He continuously challenges me
to trust Him. What would be the content of my next blog entry? I would love to
take photos today, but it’s rainy. What books should I be reading that would
nourish my soul? …….
How much of this is God guiding my thoughts and how much of
it is my own self-created noise?
The more I tried to quiet these thoughts, the more they took
over. So, I decided to start this time of listening before God with my camera
in hand. I took a stack of books off my shelf—books that I had purchased
recently and are on my desire-to-read-really-soon short list—and started
shooting away.
And God spoke as I looked through the lens of my camera.
He gave me deep insight into some of the questions my heart
has been asking recently. How does this new level of intimacy with Him impact
my relationships, the way I see the people and the city and the world around
me? Does it, even? I feel kind of disconnected. I have also strongly felt the
pull to delve deep into my relationship with God in solitude and seclusion,
lingering long in my inner world, enjoying the presence of God, learning more
about meditating on His Word and the age-old practice of contemplation, spending
hours journaling. Yet, I know deep down and God has confirmed that He has
called me to this city, to these people, to love children with special needs
and their families, to spend time pouring life into people. I have felt
compelled to share what has been going on in my heart, but I have no idea how.
As I photographed a few choice books, God opened my eyes to
see how this will work, this delving deep and reaching out. All the books I
chose fell into one of two categories:
1)
Inner life (contemplation, listening, writing,
photography):
o
Eyes of
the Heart: Photography as a Christian Contemplative Practice by Christine
Valters Paintner
o
The Little
Book of Contemplative Photography: Seeing with Wonder, Respect and Humilty
by Howard Zehr
o
Mansions
of the Heart: Exploring the Seven Stages of Spiritual Growth by R. Thomas
Ashbrook
o
The Art of
Spiritual Listening: Responding to God’s Voice Amid the Noise of Life by
Alice Fryling
2)
Mission (the world, impact of faith outwardly):
o
In the
Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri J.M. Nouwen
o
The
Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society by Henri J.M. Nouwen
o
God is the
Gospel: Meditations on God’s Love as the Gift of Himself by John Piper
o
Operation
World: The Definitive Prayer Guide for Every Nation by Jason Mandryk
And, the Bible in Chinese seemed to be a bridge the gap
between the two.
As I come to Him, desiring to hear and putting away the ways
I expect Him to move and speak, and follow Him, He will show the way. He will
meld those inner and outer worlds, the contemplation with the calling, the
listening with the sharing, my antique chair with the streets and people
outside, the work He is doing in my heart with the work He is doing in the
people around me.
Isn’t that just how He is?! :o)
So very relational.
Simultaneously calling us to those intimate moments on His
lap and to the lost in the world.
Using the personal journey of our hearts to transform our
communities.
Blessing us so that we may be a blessing.
Uniting us with Himself so that the world may believe.
(Gen 12.2-3; Is 55.2-5; Matt 26.7, 12-13; John 17.21, 23)
