Monday, May 27, 2013

A New Way of Listening









I set aside this afternoon, this Sabbath afternoon, to spend extended time with God. I sat in my antique chair, feet up, journal on my lap, sipping my hot latte, ready. I smiled in anticipation….
 
God has spoken so intimately to me in this place, through His Word, directly to my heart over the last couple of days. After several mornings of deep, resounding Truths transforming my thinking in a moment, digging out unbelief and planting trust and Peace, I wondered if He could speak anything so amazing again. Why do I have thoughts like this?!?! Our God is an ocean, far broader, deeper, more vast than I could possibly imagine. Did I think I had already plunged the depths? Was a really doubting that God could meet me where I was at and move mountains in my heart for the fifth day in a row?? Not really. But, this level of transforming intimacy has not often been my daily experience. He did speak that sixth day in a row…deeply….faithfully….

I am learning to trust Him to blow me away with Truths on a more regular basis. So, I waited with a smile on my face. I had some questions about what lies ahead, certain decisions I thought it necessary to make, but I wanted to go before Him without an agenda. I waited, listening to the sounds of rain outside, warm mug in hand and pen and open journal ready.

But, instead of the familiar voice I expected, the muted rain-light through my bedroom window and the lingering taste of latte on my tongue mingled with thoughts of God’s gentle persistence, writing and taking pictures.
I love how God has been so gentle with my heart as He continuously challenges me to trust Him. What would be the content of my next blog entry? I would love to take photos today, but it’s rainy. What books should I be reading that would nourish my soul? …….
How much of this is God guiding my thoughts and how much of it is my own self-created noise?

The more I tried to quiet these thoughts, the more they took over. So, I decided to start this time of listening before God with my camera in hand. I took a stack of books off my shelf—books that I had purchased recently and are on my desire-to-read-really-soon short list—and started shooting away.

And God spoke as I looked through the lens of my camera.

He gave me deep insight into some of the questions my heart has been asking recently. How does this new level of intimacy with Him impact my relationships, the way I see the people and the city and the world around me? Does it, even? I feel kind of disconnected. I have also strongly felt the pull to delve deep into my relationship with God in solitude and seclusion, lingering long in my inner world, enjoying the presence of God, learning more about meditating on His Word and the age-old practice of contemplation, spending hours journaling. Yet, I know deep down and God has confirmed that He has called me to this city, to these people, to love children with special needs and their families, to spend time pouring life into people. I have felt compelled to share what has been going on in my heart, but I have no idea how.
As I photographed a few choice books, God opened my eyes to see how this will work, this delving deep and reaching out. All the books I chose fell into one of two categories:
1)  Inner life (contemplation, listening, writing, photography):
o   Eyes of the Heart: Photography as a Christian Contemplative Practice by Christine Valters Paintner
o   The Little Book of Contemplative Photography: Seeing with Wonder, Respect and Humilty by Howard Zehr
o   Mansions of the Heart: Exploring the Seven Stages of Spiritual Growth by R. Thomas Ashbrook
o   The Art of Spiritual Listening: Responding to God’s Voice Amid the Noise of Life by Alice Fryling
2)      Mission (the world, impact of faith outwardly):
o   In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri J.M. Nouwen
o   The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society by Henri J.M. Nouwen
o   God is the Gospel: Meditations on God’s Love as the Gift of Himself by John Piper
o   Operation World: The Definitive Prayer Guide for Every Nation by Jason Mandryk
And, the Bible in Chinese seemed to be a bridge the gap between the two.

As I come to Him, desiring to hear and putting away the ways I expect Him to move and speak, and follow Him, He will show the way. He will meld those inner and outer worlds, the contemplation with the calling, the listening with the sharing, my antique chair with the streets and people outside, the work He is doing in my heart with the work He is doing in the people around me.
 
Isn’t that just how He is?! :o)
So very relational.
Simultaneously calling us to those intimate moments on His lap and to the lost in the world.
Using the personal journey of our hearts to transform our communities.
Blessing us so that we may be a blessing.
Uniting us with Himself so that the world may believe.
(Gen 12.2-3; Is 55.2-5; Matt 26.7, 12-13; John 17.21, 23)

May He never stop amazing me with the ocean-vastness of His thoughts and character! And May He continue to give me eyes to see and hears to hear, whatever way He chooses to reveal Himself to me.

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